How do I feel good with my husband again?

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years, and we have had some problems. But this last one was the worse. It tore us apart for 2 months. I started it bc he thought I was txtin this other guy as in wanting to hook up with him, but it wasnt like that at all, it was just someone to talk to. I honestly felt like I wasnt a good person around my husband bc he nvr spent ne time with me. So he found the txt messages and then flipped out on me. We started spending time apart where he would stay at his friends, and I would stay in our apartment,then 2 weeks later he stopped holding me, kissing me, making love to me, and doing anything romantic with me. I tried talking to him and expressing my feelings but he kept saying it was my fault and that I didn't deserve him to touch me. Then a week later I hacked into his myspace(sorry invasion of privacy, I know, but I had to know if he was cheating), well sure enough he was. He was seeing this girl he worked with and he was on and off staying with me and his friends house. He would go to work in the morning and kiss her and tell her he loved her, then come home to me at night and occasionally kiss me and tell me he loved me too. When I found out about this other girl, I was devistated, my heart broke into a thousand tiny pieces and I thought I was going to die. I couldnt eat, I couldnt sleep, I couldnt go to work, nothing, I just sat around and cried for days on end. He told me they were just friends and that he was still hurting from me txting another guy. I mean I never met this other guy and this txts were nothing but how are you today, and how are things going in your life. Thats all, they werent anything like come **** me right now. So after putting up wit him seeing me and this other girl for a few weeks, I called it quits and he moved out. I didnt kick him out, he moved out. He moved back in with his mother. We didnt talk for a few weeks. Unfortunately I had lost my job, and was going to college and trying to manage paying all the bills on my own. It was really hard, and it hurt like hell, but I did the best I could. Then I met someone else, and we started to get close, but I just couldnt let him into my heart, I couldnt love him like I loved my husband. So eventually things went in the shitter about 3 weeks in. I kicked him out and decided to be on my own. A few weeks went by and my husband I were talking daily on the computer, then it was on the phone, then it was in person. Then after 3 weeks of seeing each other we decided to work things out. We can't afford counseling as I still am unemployed. He doesnt live with me yet because we are trying to take things slow so that we regrow the bond that was ruined. My problem is that when I am with him, I am so incredibly happy but he always has this look in his eyes like he misses this other woman and her 2 kids. She dumped him for her ex bf. And now that we are working things out, he wanted to be friends with her, but I gave him the ultimatimum that it was either me or her. And he choose me. But I went thru his phone the other day bc he goes thru mine all the time, and I found all this txt messages 2 her mom saying that he was risking his relationship for this other women and that he has something for her for her birthday. I confronted him and he said that he doesnt, and that he doesnt talk to her mom or her anymore like he said he wouldnt. But now I just get this disheartening feeling like he isn't happy with me, like what he felt for her was more than he has ever felt for me. And I try to talk to him about it but he says I am just be paranoid, but I cant shake this feeling that he would rather be with her than with me. How do I get over what happened and try to make my marriage work? I dont know what to say to him to not hurt him or myself, but I feel so alone in this...Please anyone give me advice...